A daily inspirational devotion from Iyanla Vanzant’s book UNTIL TODAY
When people are hurt or afraid of being hurt, they will try to gain control of a situation. They may even try to gain control of you! If a person doesn’t trust her ability to control herself or to stay in control of herself, she will try to control everything and everyone around her. That includes you! When a person feels wrong or is afraid to be wrong, he will do everything and anything he can do to ensure that everything goes the way he thinks it should go. He also realizes that the only way to have that kind of power is to be in control.
Control can be difficult to recognize. It can be harsh and abusive or, it can be gently convincing. It can be so sweet and encouraging that even when you see it for what it is, you are unsure about calling control by its rightful name. It is, therefore, imperative that you are able to identify the many disguises of control so that you will recognize them when you see them. More important, you must understand the tricks of the trade employed by control so that you can stop yourself when you use them!
Rest assured that control is in control when:
You are fighting to prove you are right
You will lie to prove you are right
You are yelling in order to be heard
You won’t say anything believing you won’t be heard
The only view that makes sense is yours
The only thing that matters is what matters to you
You are still giving reasons why after someone has said no
You think if someone gets what they want or need you will not get what you want or need
You jump on someone’s “case” to keep them off your “case”
You believe someone can or will hurt you and you are trying to avoid it
Until today, you may have been unaware how the fear or being hurt or being wrong has influence how you behave. Just for today, check yourself for the symptoms of control listed above.
