I was taught as a parent and a school teacher that children respond to praise. When parents praise their child’s intelligence they believe they are providing a firm foundation of self esteem. In fact 85% of American parents think its important to tell their kids that they are smart based on a survey conducted by Columbia University. But a growing body of research strongly suggests the opposite! Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from under performing or having low self esteem. It might actually be causing it. The study emphasized that when we praise children for their intelligence we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes. Instead, to be effective, praise needs to be specific and focused on EFFORT. Emphasizing “effort” gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success.
On the other hand, stressing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control and it provides no good recipe for responding to failure the psychologist of the study stated. Sincerity of praise is also crucial. Only young children under the age of 7 take praise at face value. Older children are just as suspicious of it as adults. It has to be based on a real thing – some skill or talent the child has demonstrated. Timing is crucial as well. Jumping in with praise is like jumping in too soon with the answer to a homework problem- -it robs the child of the chance to make the deduction himself.
Some alarming studies show that over praising kids strongly suggests that image maintenance becomes their primary concern- -they are more competitive and more interested in tearing others down. Another study shows of the kids praised for intelligence, 40% lie and inflate their test scores. Of the kids praised for effort, few lie. Students turn to cheating because they haven’t developed a strategy for handling failure. Actually a child deprived of the opportunity to discuss mistakes can’t learn from them. A helpful concept to explain to a child is that the brain is a muscle. Giving it a harder workout makes you smarter. In other words, intelligence can be developed. Improving study habits, time management and handling failure are part of the effort that is rewarding. Praising these actions goes a long way. Surprisingly I’ ve found this works with adults too. Imagine that!
